How I Define My Sexual Sobriety

My Bottom Line Behaviors

If I engage in these behaviors, I am violating my sobriety.

• Sex, related acts, or nudity with strangers/people my friends don’t know
• Dating or hooking up with ex-lovers or ‘friends’
• Exhibitionism or voyeurism via webcam or photos
• Trading photos, sex, or affection for gifts, favors, or attention
• Unprotected sex outside of a committed, mutually monogamous relationship
• Anything more than casual conversation with a married person

Problematic Behaviors:

These behaviors represent red flags that I am struggling and constitute ‘slips.’ I need to acknowledge these activities, perform a Chain Analysis, and reach out for support.

• Stalking (in person or online) or contacting ex-lovers
• Cruising on Craigslist, Backpage, or similar
• Spending time on dating websites or similar
• Using Kik, Skype, or any webcam site (except with family)
• Setting up anonymous email or social media accounts
• Shaving my legs and bikini line and wearing sexy underwear to go out
• Flipping through every contact in my phone book for “anyone” with whom to talk
• Lying to others to avoid letting them know about my activities
• Binging on sweets or buying alcohol for the house
• Not eating, not buying food, weighing myself
• Spending sprees, falling behind on bills
• Picking at my skin

Coping Skills

What will I do to distract comfort or distract myself instead of acting out or engaging in any of the above?

• Make a list of my stressors, separated into ‘action items’ and ‘concerns’
• Use the ‘action items’ list as a to-do list and, if needed, ask for help 
• Call a friend and tell them about it
• Ask a friend to meet up ASAP
• Take a bath
• Listen to a book on tape
• Listen to a podcast
• Lay down under my weighted blanket
• Cuddle my pug
• Go to the bookstore and browse
• Put on makeup and meet a friend for a coffee
• Do a manicure and/or pedicure
• Color in my coloring books
• Buy fresh flowers for myself
• Make food that I like, even if no one else likes it
• Watch a TV show, movie, or documentary you like
• Create a dream board/collage
• Blog or write a poem or story
• Learn a new song or practice guitar/ukulele
• Play a record
• Go on a photo adventure
• Develop film or photos
• Organize my room, closet, or some cabinets, etc
• Excercise (crunches, lunges with weights, wall sits, push-ups, planks)
• Ride on a bus or go to the mall and “people watch”
• Go see a movie, even if it’s far away!
• Do a puzzle
• Pray or meditate
• Write a speech for Toastmasters
• Knit something
• Cross-stitch something clever
• Fix up one of my typewriters
• Write an anonymous letter to someone
• Do something nice for someone else
• Volunteer
• Buy lunch for a homeless person
• Find poems that inspire you; start a file
• Clean out your car
• Go to a 12-step Meeting