How I Define My Sexual Sobriety

My Bottom Line Behaviors

If I engage in these behaviors, I am violating my sobriety.

  • Sex, related acts, or nudity with strangers/people my friends don’t know
  • Dating or hooking up with ex-lovers or ‘friends’
  • Exhibitionism or voyeurism via webcam or photos
  • Trading photos, sex, or affection for gifts, favors, or attention
  • Unprotected sex outside of a committed, mutually monogamous relationship
  • Anything more than casual conversation with a married person

Problematic Behaviors:

These behaviors represent red flags that I am struggling and constitute ‘slips.’ I need to acknowledge these activities, perform a Chain Analysis, and reach out for support.

  • Stalking (in person or online) or contacting ex-lovers
  • Cruising on Craigslist, Backpage, or similar
  • Spending time on dating websites or similar
  • Using Kik, Skype, or any webcam site (except with family)
  • Setting up anonymous email or social media accounts
  • Shaving my legs and bikini line and wearing sexy underwear to go out
  • Flipping through every contact in my phone book for “anyone” with whom to talk
  • Lying to others to avoid letting them know about my activities
  • Binging on sweets or buying alcohol for the house
  • Not eating, not buying food, weighing myself
  • Spending sprees, falling behind on bills
  • Picking at my skin

Coping Skills

What will I do to distract comfort or distract myself instead of acting out or engaging in any of the above?

  • Make a list of my stressors, separated into ‘action items’ and ‘concerns’
  • Use the ‘action items’ list as a to-do list and, if needed, ask for help 
  • Call a friend and tell them about it
  • Ask a friend to meet up ASAP
  • Take a bath
  • Listen to a book on tape
  • Listen to a podcast
  • Lay down under my weighted blanket
  • Cuddle my pug
  • Go to the bookstore and browse
  • Put on makeup and meet a friend for a coffee
  • Do a manicure and/or pedicure
  • Color in my coloring books
  • Buy fresh flowers for myself
  • Make food that I like, even if no one else likes it
  • Watch a TV show, movie, or documentary you like
  • Create a dream board/collage
  • Blog or write a poem or story
  • Learn a new song or practice guitar/ukulele
  • Play a record
  • Go on a photo adventure
  • Develop film or photos
  • Organize my room, closet, or some cabinets, etc
  • Excercise (crunches, lunges with weights, wall sits, push-ups, planks)
  • Ride on a bus or go to the mall and “people watch”
  • Go see a movie, even if it’s far away!
  • Do a puzzle
  • Pray or meditate
  • Write a speech for Toastmasters
  • Knit something
  • Cross-stitch something clever
  • Fix up one of my typewriters
  • Write an anonymous letter to someone
  • Do something nice for someone else
  • Volunteer
  • Buy lunch for a homeless person
  • Find poems that inspire you; start a file
  • Clean out your car
  • Go to a 12-step Meeting

2 thoughts on “How I Define My Sexual Sobriety

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